


Snow

by TheBlueSheep



Category: Gintama
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, Joui War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-01-12
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:33:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBlueSheep/pseuds/TheBlueSheep
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were many reasons why Takasugi hated snow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Snow

There were many reasons why Takasugi hated snow. One of them was that the snow was always hindering with their plans. The second one was that because it was always freezing, it took a lot of firewood to keep the men from freezing at the dead of night, and the smoke could give away their location if they weren’t careful. The third of the many reasons, however, was that since the snow was so goddamn shimmering white that he had to live with the constant danger of...

“HA!” he shouted as he turned on his heel, ready to either parry or dodge whatever danger he was feeling creeping up to him. The echo of his shout died shortly after it was set to holler across the empty snowfield. He inspected the field closely, but found nothing abnormal. He would have put it onto his imagination, but he’d fallen for that trick before, and so he kept waiting and watching, every sense tense as a wire. But after a full minute of complete silence he reached the limit of his patience and continued on his tracks irritably.

However, before he could even take two steps, he felt danger behind him again. He spun around quickly, not taking any chances. Everything stood completely still. Not even a breath of wind drifted through the leafless tree branches. Takasugi huffed. He had stuff to do. He didn’t have time for this foolishness.

“Alright, I know you’re out there! Come out before I hack you to pieces!” he announced loudly. Only deafening silence roamed across the frozen landscape. Maybe it was his imagination after all. Maybe it was just a mouse or something minding its own business under the frozen white blanket. He sighed and kept walking.

Three steps. Exactly three steps before something cold attacked his face with enough force that he was sent stumbling backwards.

And this was the third reason why he hated winter. This forever damned white snow offered the perfect cover for that one idiot who had the annoying habit of always dressing up in white.

“Gintoki!” he yelled when his mouth was finally free of all the snow. “You goddamn idiot, I swear to fuck I will fucking murder you and dye every fucking strand of your freak white hair red with your own fucking blood!”

He should have known he would be attacked from the front. Of course he would be attacked from the front. He should’ve expected it after overhearing Gintoki and Sakamoto setting a scoring system – 10 points arms and legs, 20 points torso, 30 points head, and 50 points face.

He wiped his eyes clean, expecting to see a victoriously grinning Gintoki looming over him at a safe distance – Takasugi was quick to draw sometimes. But there was nothing but endless glistening field of snow, a group of black trees in the middle of it.

He frowned in confusion. This was not how Gintoki would attack. He would stay hidden until the first strike was made, then attack in plain sight, fearlessly taking on all the enemies who dared to confront him. Multiple sneak attacks would be more Sakamoto’s style – not because he was smarter, but more because he tended to forget he was attacking altogether – but that guy lacked the skill to completely disappear in snow. He was a good shot, however, and true enough, after squinting his eyes a little, Takasugi saw a darker shadow moving between the trees.

Well, good thing was that now Takasugi knew where to look, and he wouldn’t get hit by another snowball. Besides, since Katsura wasn’t here, he could just hack Sakamoto to pieces without anyone interfering. He had been wanting to do that for a while now anyway. And after he was done with Sakamoto, he could find that other idiot permhead too, and cut him up a little as well. If he played it right it might look as if they cut each other down.

Wait... The other idiot permhead... The strange presence behind him... Shit, it _was_ a trap after all!

He turned quickly, only to be greeted by another snowball which was simply _pushed_ into his face. Takasugi lost balance and fell to his back.

When he finally stopped coughing and got most of the snow out of his eyes, both members of the Perm Duo were there, and Takasugi briefly wondered how Sakamoto got there so fast. The furry idiot seemed to completely ignore the laws of physics sometimes – not that the all didn’t do that from time to time. The real surprise, though, was that neither of them was grinning. They looked rather sad, to be honest.

 “See that, Tatsuma?” Gintoki shook his head ruefully. “This is what they call one of the most adept fighters in the Joui movement.”

“How pitiful,” Sakamoto agreed.

“Sleeping on the ground during daytime. In plain sight and muttering nonsense on top of that. If we were to be ambushed, he’d be the first one killed.”

“Yes, and we’d have to clean up the mess afterwards.”

Gintoki nodded thoughtfully. “Good thing he’s such a shrimp. Less mess to clean up.”

“You fucking bastards,” Takasugi hissed as he got up slowly.

“Uh-oh, I think we’d better watch out, Kintoki. Seems that our Snow White just got a _little_ angry.”

“Well, that was to be expected. He does have _short_ temper.”

“And that hideous _limited_ vocabulary,” said Sakamoto.

“How disgusting,” added Gintoki. “Aah, what has become of the once noble patriots? No wonder we’re getting our ass handed to us more often than not if all we have are useless _small-_ minded guys like that in our ranks.”

“What the fuck did you just say?” Takasugi grabbed the hilt of his sword and stepped towards them. He didn’t care that Gintoki had a point and that they had been forced to retreat the last three times. It sure as hell wasn’t Takasugi’s fault. And what the hell was their problem with his height anyway? He could handle any kind of weapon at least as well as they could.

“In case you shitsticks haven’t noticed,” he growled lowly, “we’re in a _war._ If you have nothing to do, then go relieve someone on sentry duty or something. I don’t have the time for your idiotic games.”

“In case you haven’t noticed,” Sakamoto suddenly bellowed, “we’re in a _war!_ So put down that useless toy of yours and pick up a real weapon!” He proudly presented a snowball. “This is the weapon for _real_ men and...” He couldn’t finish because a snowball hit the side of his head. “Ahaha, Kintoki, why’d you do that? I thought we were friends!”

“Shut up, furball. I pick my friends carefully. I pick friends who don’t steal my lines.”

“Haha, I don’t remember you saying you reserved that for yourself!”

“It should be obvious! Gintoki gets the cool lines; Tatsuma gets to be the weird loud sidekick who never makes sense.”

“Hahaha, go die, bastard.”

“Die yourself, bastard.”

“Oh, is that how you want it? Then shall we decide with some sharpened steel who the real sidekick here is?”

“Bring it on! I can take you with both my hands tied behind my back!”

“Oh yeah? Well I can take you with my hands _and_ legs tied up!”

“Ah, that’s no fair! Then I can take you with my hands and legs tied up _while_ being blindfolded!”

Takasugi facepalmed. Even with the mountains offering some cover, they weren’t completely safe yet, the reinforcements were still a day away, and that last week they’d spent on the run had taken its toll. They were all tired. Right now he wouldn’t get anywhere with these idiots if he just walked away. They’d probably follow him around like a couple of lost puppies, showering him with snowballs until he either snapped or they found a bottle of sake to irritate instead.

“Okay, listen up, you clowns,” he said. “Neither one of you can cut the other down. First, you’re both idiots. Second, Zura says we need you even though I cannot comprehend why. And third,” he picked a handful of snow and formed it into a ball, “the one who’s going to take you both down will be me.”

That didn’t give the expected result. Gintoki and Sakamoto did shut up, but instead of taking the challenge, they continued standing there, completely expressionless. Maybe Takasugi got it wrong and there was something bad going on after all.

“Uh... what...” he started.

“Oi, Takasugi,” someone put a hand on his shoulder. Takasugi turned.

“Huh? Zura?”

“Not Zura,” Katsura shook his head. “It’s KATSURA!” he yelled and launched a snowball right into Takasugi’s face. He slipped and fell to the ground the second time that day. By the time he wiped his face clean again, the three of them were already immersed in a conversation.

“Good job following the plan, Zura,” Sakamoto said.

“It’s not Zura, it’s Katsura and there was a plan?”

“Sure there was,” Gintoki convinced him. “Just because no one ever said anything about a plan, doesn’t mean there wasn’t one.”

“No, I don’t understand you. I just happened to pass by. What are you guys doing here anyway?”

“Nothing much, just relieving some stress.”

“Sounds healthy. Mind if I join?”

“Of course,” Sakamoto kindly allowed. “We’d be glad to... _gaaaah!_ ” Takasugi had pushed himself back up and got his revenge on at least one of those idiots.

“Why are you retards acting so friendly with each other?” he asked. “It’s creeping me out. No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. Just stay still, I’m going to slowly torture you all to death.”

Gintoki threw a snowball at him, but Takasugi dodged it easily. “Who the hell would stay still after that? No wonder you can’t get any girls with all that morbid talk. Girls like sweet talk, y’know. It’s sweet talk and compliments, not death threats and evil glares.”

“Oh yeah?” Takasugi threw a snowball back at him, but Gintoki moved a little to the side and it flew right past him and hit Sakamoto’s head. “If you know so well what girls like, I wonder why no one wants you then.”

“You little shit. You should be grateful that Gin-san took the time to teach you a little something, not throw it back into my face.”

“That’s right, Takasugi. That wasn’t nice of you at all,” Katsura agreed, and Sakamoto nodded, still rubbing his eyes.

“Okay, actually, you know what?” Takasugi snapped. “I really just don’t care. There are three of you, right? Play by yourselves, children. I have things to do.”

Maybe he could get away now that Zura was there as well. Maybe, just this once, they’d leave him alone. He turned and walked, one step, two, then suddenly leaped to his right, watching as three snowballs flew past him. Well, it was worth a shot.

“No can do, Takasugi-kuuun. Or we couldn’t call it a stress reliever.” He could hear the grin in Gintoki’s voice. He stilled.

“Is that so? Alright,” he faced his three comrades once again. “Then I’ll just have to take you all down. Let’s get started.”

“Aaaah, no, wait!” Katsura suddenly chipped in. “It’d be unfair if it was three against one. Shouldn’t we decide teams?”

“What are you, Zura, a grade-schooler? Life is filled with disappointments and unfairness, you should know,” Gintoki shook his head. “I’d say every man takes care of his own balls. Any objections?”

“No, that’s perfect.”

“Sounds just fine to me.”

“It’s not a grade-schooler, it’s Katsura.”

“Alright then,” Gintoki brought back his arm with the clear intention of throwing the first ball, but before he could finish the movement, he was already hit at the back of his head by Sakamoto.

“Every man for his own balls, right?” he grinned widely.

“Bastard...”

And the battle began. Gintoki and Takasugi teamed up against Sakamoto and showered him with snowballs until Katsura came to his aid. That didn’t make much of a difference, though, because Gintoki and Takasugi were already completely dedicated on taking each other out. But their little personal war only lasted until the other two launched a sneak attack on them, not even using snowballs, but simply shovelling snow on them like on a pair of fighting cats. Then the temporary teams disbanded and they were all against all again.

Their battle was brutal, merciless, and lacked any kinds of rules. And even though it never was entirely three against Takasugi, he was still the one who was targeted the most. They teamed up and betrayed each other, they pulled off aerial assaults and attacked head on, and the battle lasted until all four of them were on their backs in the snow, panting heavily.

“Umm, Takasugi-san?” someone suddenly asked hesitantly.

“What, Kiyoshi?”

“We, uh, we have been looking for you, sir. We have a small problem. But it’s nothing big, so... Err... Actually, sorry for disturbing you, sir, it’s nothing. We can take care of it ourselves. I’ll just... go now. Excuse me.”

“It’s fine, Kiyoshi,” Takasugi said, pushing himself up and brushing most of the snow off his clothes. “I’m done with these idiots anyway. Let’s go.”

He started his way towards the camp – dodging a random stray snowball – leaving the other three behind, Kiyoshi following him closely. But thanks to Sakamoto’s loud voice and the natural echo on the clearing, he could still hear their conversation.

“So who wants some warm sake? I know where we could get some.”

“You always know where to get some sake.”

“Yeah, I bet he’s just hiding a large stock from everybody. Where are you hiding it? Perhaps in your sleeves like cards, you cheater?”

“Haha, that’s cruel, Kintoki! I don’t do that! It’s not my fault you suck at card games!”

Takasugi smiled to himself. That bastard Gintoki had been right. A snowball fight had been a good stress reliever and he felt more relaxed than he’d been in a long time.


End file.
